:-(

I miss our baby girl so much. It's so unfair that so many people get to have healthy babies and we don't. It seems like that's all I see around me now. Nothing anyone says makes me feel any better. I feel so horrible sometimes because I feel hatred towards other people, particularly pregnant women. It's funny though because I don't feel that way towards people I personally know, only strangers that I see unexpectedly. And now sometimes when I hear bad news about someone else, I don't feel empathy towards them right away. I think, "Oh. Well, that's good. I'm glad someone else's life isn't going well either." That's horrible! I hate to admit it. I know it's just temporary because of how bad I feel, but it's scary nonetheless. I will miss her for the rest of my life. I also find myself thinking that if I were to die unexpectedly, I wouldn't be scared. I'd welcome it. I just want to see her. I so don't want to go back to work. How can I? Nothing is that important any more. Nothing is fun, nothing. I want to talk to people yet I don't. I need to express myself yet no one ever says anything worthwhile.