We had another beautiful daughter seven months ago. Her name is Mirai Seraphina. She was born on Sunday, July 7, 2013. She was due October 9. Why I continue to give birth early despite all our best efforts to keep that baby in is beyond my comprehension. I'm beginning to think it might be about her journey rather than mine. It's not always about me or even us.
So Mirai is here. And we are thoroughly enjoying her presence. She brings us joy we have never experienced. I often wondered, before she arrived, how I would feel about Francesca if we ever had another child. Would it ease the pain? Would the pain disappear? Would we act as if she never existed? It is a complex answer. In many ways, we are happier. We both really wanted to raise a daughter or son, and we finally got our wish. Watching Mirai every day brings us so much joy - joy we've only experienced with her existence. This joy was certainly possible with Francesca had she had an opportunity to lead a normal life. But her life, shrouded by a hospital stay, primarily knew only grief and worry. Surprisingly though, I have found myself sadder now when I think of Francesca because now I know what we missed. And it tears me up. I am so grateful to have her and enjoy every minute, even when I've only slept for 5 hours the past three nights and can't figure out why she's been crying for the past 20 minutes nonstop.
Whether or not we mention we have another daughter depends on the situation. If the subject of Mirai's extreme prematurity comes up, then questions about why it happened surface. And we mention that we've been through this before for the same unknown reason, but the outcome was not good. To strangers though we usually answer that yes, Mirai is our only child. I do think our traumatic past affects how we look at Mirai. We appreciate every minute and dote on her. The child has a crazy number of outfits!
Mirai has added joy to our lives, but her being here has not taken away the pain of Francesca not being here. Unfortunately nothing can do that.
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