I miss you, Baby Girl. Other people may think I obsess too much about you, but I don't think so. No matter how few days you were here, you were here. Your dad and I have been trying to "get over" you. Right. Like that will ever happen. :-) But we've been trying to function in a world where you aren't. It's so ironic that you weren't planned or even wanted at the beginning. But here you are, we are, trying to get on with our lives. God. How I wish I could go back in time to try to do something different. Even though they say I didn't do anything wrong during my pregnancy, I can't help but think things would be different now (you'd be here now) if I had done something slightly different. And I would try. Over and over again, I would try. Like Groundhog Day. :-)yt66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer4
Freeway says hello. :-)
But Baby Girl, you have opened up a new life for me. It's frightening because I have lost what innocence I had left. But I suppose that's okay. You've shown me that every day is a gift, even if (and especially if) you only get 19 of them. Do you know how much I wished I had held you? I cannot wait to die because I will get to see you. I want you to be there when I pass on or cross over or whatever. You've made me seize the day, but that has meant more "bad" than "good" lately. And I don't know how you feel about that. But it shouldn't matter. I've had many more than 19 days here, so I have a lot more to accomplish, I guess.
I spend many of my days enveloped in work. I block you out most of the time. And my evenings are spent either engrossed in working out, still at work, or numbing myself with pot or alcohol. I've done a good job at forgetting about you. I'm sorry. But I'm sure you would understand if you were me. It's hard to function if you're thinking about your dead daughter every day. One must move on or at least cover it up, block it out.
You are a funny girl. I had never seen you as blatant as you were last week. You freaked me out though! But I guess that was good. I still don't quite get what you're trying to say. You said hello and even hugged me through a stranger. That was pretty neat. I didn't realize it at the time, but I recognized it afterwards. Thank you. THANK YOU.
So where do I go from here? Since you are my angel, can you give me direction on my life from now on? I don't know what to do, where to go. Hhhmmm? What are your thoughts? And what about your crazy grandmother and great=grandmother?! WFT?! lol
I love you, Baby Girl. You enjoy yourself in heaven. Mommy will come see you when it's time.
Mommy
Freeway says hello. :-)
But Baby Girl, you have opened up a new life for me. It's frightening because I have lost what innocence I had left. But I suppose that's okay. You've shown me that every day is a gift, even if (and especially if) you only get 19 of them. Do you know how much I wished I had held you? I cannot wait to die because I will get to see you. I want you to be there when I pass on or cross over or whatever. You've made me seize the day, but that has meant more "bad" than "good" lately. And I don't know how you feel about that. But it shouldn't matter. I've had many more than 19 days here, so I have a lot more to accomplish, I guess.
I spend many of my days enveloped in work. I block you out most of the time. And my evenings are spent either engrossed in working out, still at work, or numbing myself with pot or alcohol. I've done a good job at forgetting about you. I'm sorry. But I'm sure you would understand if you were me. It's hard to function if you're thinking about your dead daughter every day. One must move on or at least cover it up, block it out.
You are a funny girl. I had never seen you as blatant as you were last week. You freaked me out though! But I guess that was good. I still don't quite get what you're trying to say. You said hello and even hugged me through a stranger. That was pretty neat. I didn't realize it at the time, but I recognized it afterwards. Thank you. THANK YOU.
So where do I go from here? Since you are my angel, can you give me direction on my life from now on? I don't know what to do, where to go. Hhhmmm? What are your thoughts? And what about your crazy grandmother and great=grandmother?! WFT?! lol
I love you, Baby Girl. You enjoy yourself in heaven. Mommy will come see you when it's time.
Mommy
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